I am exhausted, excited and a bit confused. I say confused because as I have written previously here, Christmas was taken from me for a very long time. It took a long time to get it back and I do believe it is here to stay; but, at times I have my doubts. For sure, last year was scary. Is it MS? Is it lupus? Is it Leukemia? Spending Christmas Eve in the hospital was very sad last year. But despite it, Christmas stayed and we had a wonderful time. Now with the tragedy of Newton and me working in the mental health profession and with news of the passing of an old family friend (he died as my father prayed over him- it was also my dad's birthday), I feel as if I am on a slippery slope again. Celebrating the 25 Days of Christmas and living with Mr. Griswald himself has helped. But over everything else what has helped me with my confusion and mixed emotions has been my faith in God. Through daily prayer I have come to accept the fact that mixed emotions are ok even if at Christmastime.
When President Lincoln's son Will passed, Mr. Lincoln was said to have been terribly shaken by his death. At his eulogy, Dr. Gurley, a minister, delivered some powerful words…words that best described what we can do in times of crisis.
What we need in the hour of trial, and what we shoud seek by earnest prayer, is confidence in Him who sees the end from the beginning and doeth all things well. Only let us bow in His presence with an humble and teachable spirit; only let us be still and know that He is God; only let us acknowledge His hand, and hear His voice, and inquire after His will, and seek His holy spirit as our counsellor and guide, and all, in the end, will be well.
And bowing down with a humble and teachable spirit is what I am trying to do. I am also learning to come to quiet with my emotions. By doing so I have discovered that I can have my mixed emotions (I am human) and still rest assured that these will pass. So despite the pain, tragedy and mixed emotions, in the end I rest in confidence upon the Rock who knows the end from the beginning and does everything well. It is this trust in my Savior that leads me to say, let there be more merriment and celebration! For unto us a Savior is born!
The Next Five Days (11 - 15)Day 11: Baked chocolate chip cookies. If you are an on the go mommy, its ok to use the store bought dough;-)
Day 12: I knew that I just didn't have enough time to make something Christmasy out of this yarn someone gave me (folks give me yarn all the time- not sure why). But psychedelic ornaments are always groovin'.
Day 13: A musical day: I forgot to plan an activity. I came home later than usual. Here is why in case the little ones read this one day and wonder why momma seemed so very allover the place some times : 1) go to work- I had clinicals this day leave at 2pm 2) pick up Little Miss A @ 3pm 3) Run to the grocery store 4) Pick up Little Mr. G by 4:30 pm 5) Post office run w. both kids 6) Drop off donated items 7) Get home before 6 pm 8) Open the door 3 times to visitors right before I started. 9) Run around like a madwoman cleaning bathrooms and tables and rooms 10) pretend you got it together and had planned for the neighbor kids to come over and have a musical day. They had tons of fun singing for Little Mr. G's concert at school.
Day 14: Enjoyed the precious voices of little ones singing joyfully
Day 15:Christmas light run. Seeing the holiday spirit everywhere just makes my heart swell….
I wish you well at Christmastime
I wish you oh so much Peace
I wish you well at Christmastime
And may its joy never cease!